Blessings

The other evening, I stumbled upon a box of letters from 17 years ago. That season changed the trajectory of my life for the good. They were circumstance my parents tried their best to keep me from, yet it is the path I chose. I believe wholeheartedly that what the enemy means for bad, God means for good to transform every part of who we are. The letters brought me to tears because I had forgotten about the favor God had on my life and how his favor on me flowed over to everyone around me. It reminded me of this heart that God has given me and the ability to love and see his people as he sees them. The world is full of judgement, I grew up surrounded by judgement and it has not always been easy to live the path God has chosen for me and I accepted willingly to live.

As I read through the letters, some from friends with words of encouragement for me, not for my situation or the decisions I was making but in “I love you, and so I’m doing this for you because I know you love them.” Have you had people around you love you that much that would go to war for you? Anyone who would take on a giant so that you can be free? I cried hard remembering all the times I have poured every part of my soul into people who couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same for me.

I hope the judgement you feel towards others is not actually the judgement you feel of yourself. I have had people in my life tell me that even if Jesus stood in front of them and said they were forgiven they could not ever forgive themselves. That made me super sad for them because what could that person have done that; they are not able to extend grace? What has been done to them that would make their heart so cold to themselves that they stopped believing in their own goodness? You know people who cannot forgive themselves will never have the capacity to forgive you either, not fully.

Time and mental maturity have freed me of my own hell. Knowing there is a God who sent his son to die for us has been so overwhelming to process, so if it’s hard for you, I do understand. We live believing life is performance based and when we fail, we fail. There is nothing harder than overcoming the feeling of failing yourself. I think about the times I’ve been unfaithful to the woman looking back at me. The one I said I would not hurt or disappoint again only to have to pick myself from the floor laying in the tears of breaking my own heart.

I often wonder how many people are missing out on their own blessings because it is not how or what they pictured? If I could tell you all of times God has used the most random people to bring forth blessings, you would be amazed! Stop looking down on folks! God uses ordinary angels every day but if you keep saying what you won’t do, you may never see all that could be possible for you.

All my love,

jenniev